Bfly Note #2 : The Art of Ending Things
On the lessons of Capricorn Season.
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The Art of Ending Things - and the Lessons of Capricorn Season.
Every year, the month of December seems to stir up complicated feelings in most of us, especially its second half. Which isn’t surprising as there is a particular fuss around properly wrapping things up.
Suddenly, we seem to think of everything we haven’t done this year, how much more we could’ve done, what we did plan to do, even started, but abandoned sometime during the year.
Sometimes, we try to cram some more tasks towards the end to give ourselves the feeling of some extra accomplishments before we start over. Or we feel like we have to start preparing for the new year, be ready to welcome January 1st with a bang, and be productive right away – in other words, we set ourselves up for a lot of disappointment. -And if you’ve read the previous newsletter, you can recognize these as the signs of trying to commit to a routine instead of committing to yourself.
The end of the year feels heavy for a lot of people, and it is no surprise, as both the end and beginning of the year happen to be in Capricorn season, a sign that has the reputation of being serious, responsible, hard-working, and boring for some.
Capricorn is indeed ruled by Saturn, often called the “taskmaster” of the zodiac, and is considered a “malefic” planet because it is known to delay gratification, to challenge you to grow, and force you to confront the reality of your environment.
Saturn is also the Master of Time, which explains the constant worry of whether one is using their time wisely. Here is where the “new year resolutions” and yearly recaps come in : what have I done this year, how much more can I do next year? Meaning, have I challenged myself and grown enough this year. And the nightmare : have I been stagnating?
As a Capricorn and all-things-occult enthusiast, I have a particular attachment to Saturn and am particularly dedicated to its lessons.
Today is not the day we dive into Saturnian myths and school of thoughts, but as we wrap up the year, I realize the biggest lesson I’ve learned in 2021, by trying to apply Saturnian attitude to a lot of disappointment and heartbreak, is the Art of Ending Things.
Saturn is concerned with effort and discipline, but also with standards, and giving you what you need rather than what you want. It is often depicted as a stern parent, and opposed to Jupiter who’s associated to manifestation, pleasure, expansion and granting wishes. However, it is often lost on people that Saturn is still full of rewards, and Saturnian blessings are stable and long-term.
It does not mean that when you work hard towards something you will automatically and always get what you want.
Aligning effort, discipline and standards, in Saturnian fashion, means dedicating yourself to your growth and to breaking off superficial chains. Accepting that often, too often, you will get saturated with wants that do not serve you, and that make you lose sense of what actually matters.
One can and will still desire things that are not necessary for their survival of course, but it does mean reflecting on where and why you invest your energy in the places you do, especially when you have a hard time letting go of something. In the simplest terms : is this good for me? Why do I want this? What do I hope to gain from this? How does it make me feel, or how do I hope it will make me feel? Is this the healthiest way to get it?
Capricorn is in the delicate position of having the spiritual lessons and desire to detach from imaginary responsibilities and pursue the pleasure and adventure Sagittarius craves. However, it is also burdened with the reality that before structuresimprove to serve the collective, like Aquarius wants, said structures must first be built. And to break free from the shackles of this material world, like Pisces desires, one must understand how to live in it.
It is why it is interesting that the Tarot card associated with Capricorn is the Devil
. The Devil card’s traditional meaning is linked to addictions, patterns you need to break, everything that stands between you and your personal power, what hinders and binds you. The pentagram, that would symbolize knowledge and direction if upright, is inverted. It shows a lack of balance as well as prioritizing material matters over spiritual wellbeing. But the chains on these two figures are loose, and with active effort they could lift them off and break free.
Having the realization that something or someone you love isn’t good for you, or is hindering you, is still rarely enough for one to just up and leave.
Especially because sometimes, you can fix or adjust things, sometimes you cangive it another try and see how the pieces can have a better fit from a different angle.
Not always.
Often, you come to the very unpleasant realization that you have to practice, and it does take practice, the art of ending things.
Capricorn season gives you the gift of being able to reflect on a whole year. It gives you the gift of seeing exactly how much you’ve done, with the resources you had and circumstances you dealt with, so you can adapt and adjust as you aim for next. The mistake we often make is thinking our energy needs to go where that arrow is headed right away, instead of focusing on drawing it back first.
How terrible would it be, if we always got what we wanted? How terrible would it be, if we had been with every single person we wanted to have in our life? If we had succeeded in everything we attempted to do?
The first part of learning how to end things properly for me was to realize the amount of times endings that I did not control were actually a good thing for me.
In the moment, when you lose something or when something ends, it always feels terrible and incredibly annoying to hear that something better is coming or that what is meant for you won’t miss you… but it is true. Using yourself as an example is even more efficient. What if you did end up with this person you thought was the love of your life, that you can’t even look at in the eye now without cringing? What if you did take that opportunity and then never got to open that door that came after it? Things are gonna suck in the moment regardless, but knowing that your “now” is not gonna be your “forever” always helps.
The next step was to allow endings to be closure.
Closure has always been a myth to me, because of the way we often go about it. We think we want a clear answer, we just want to know, just want to understand.We delay endings in the name of closure. We say that when we get closure, then we can truly end it with peace. We reach out one last time, oh but not because we want to, it’s just for closure.
Well, I’ve only found peace when I started considering endings as closure.
Every day you survive an ending is another day you explain to yourself exactly what you claim not to understand : this (or they) did not answer your needs. This is something (or they are someone) you can live without.
This wasn’t for you, or it would be there still, or you wouldn’t have to suffer to keep it.
That is all the closure you will get sometimes, and eventually you come to realize it is enough. You did see it through, because it is over.
When you remember what you actually deserve, and see that what ended was not aligned with those standards, no matter how much effort went into it. Then it is enough. Recentering and actually going over what it is you want and look for, instead of attaching it to one person or one thing, is important. It wasn’t this specific thing or this specific person, it was this stability, this security, this love.
Saturn may not be associated with abundance the way Jupiter is, but it will always remind you that abundance is there, and acting from a place of lack will never do.
Because there is abundance, your needs will be met again, in other ways, in other places, with other people.
The final step was to learn to fully mourn my endings, and practice release.
I like to make a ritual of things. Mark them, make everything into events and special dates.
Spiritually, we talk of clearing old or stale energy, of purification rituals, of cleansing.
I apply this to every, single, ending. I am absolutely the person who will burn old belongings, or dramatically throw a necklace into a lake. I have done both this year.
I do not keep what is no longer mine, or what I no longer want to be attached to, and to fully mourn, one must take time and dedicate themselves to it.
I no longer minimize endings, I do not consider myself dramatic for mourning something, I never tell myself it is “not that serious”, because it is.
For me, every ending deserves a funeral.
So, this end of the year, I invite you to focus on release, and on celebrating your endings, giving them a proper funeral, before you think of new beginnings.
Sit with your endings and the lessons they brought, as you review the year and think of the year without judgement, as you consider your resources, your energy, and everything you’ve done in your circumstances.
Practicing release can be a physical action, it can mean cleaning and decluttering your space. It can mean letting go of these last responsibilities and making them a 2022 problem. It can mean logging off.
Whatever you need to do, do it mindfully.
Let go of the timelines you created at the beginning of 2021, of the checkboxes, of the should’ve and could’ve. Release the year, clear your energy.
Be present and actually choose to let go, so you can make space for better things in 2022, and recalibrate once you fully sit with the lessons of this year.
Journal prompts
What were the most important endings for me this year? How did I handle them - how did they affect me, how do I feel about them now?
What are things I’m leaving in 2021?
Write a letter to your 2021 self. End it by letting them know they did well, forgive them for what they need to be forgiven for, and let them clock out. The rest of the work can be handled by your 2022 self.
Have a great rest of the year, and happy ending!
I’ll see you in the next chapter.